Day 7

Hey guys!. Today was 300 calories. So I had a piece of banana bread and half a bowl of soup averaging about 289 calories. Not to shaby if I do say so myself. Well I went tubing which was fun, but an upcoming trip to see my distant family is starting to stir up bad memories. I found myself at the mercy of the knife again. This time words! Oh it was my thigh. Really high up. I'll stop cutting but right now it's my only release. The only time I let myself think of my life, the only time I let myself be weak. I'll kill the part of me that wants to be like that. Just not today not until all the rest of the unperfect parts are gone.  I'll kill her last. I'm so tiered. I've been baby sitting this 18 year old boy for the last two days and tomorrow I'm taking him out again. Lets hope I don't get sunburned this time ;). I think I might want a relationship/ Like an honest to god relationship. Wait what the hell am I thinking. I'm not going to put myself out there. I should up date my idea of perfection list. I'm going to be honnest with you guys. Sometimes I do feel like killing myself especially when I think of a bad memory. Well I guess that's enough of my whining Good night guys.