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7/24/12

I am so disgusted with my self I went to a camp for about  a week and guess what? I'm fucking 153.2!! What the hell!! All that work for nothing I can't believe how fast I put on weight.

7/17/12

Sorry I haven't been on real recently I've been super busy! Well I sorta hell on my ass will my work out schedule but I'm just going to carry on as plan and do what my little black book tells me to do! Oh btw I think everyone should get one of these.  Ok so take a plain notebook and put dates on every other page starting today. Now write what you are going to eat that the day/ the exercises you want to do/ your weight ideas, and ect. It works great for me!! You also don't get traped in this "starting over loop" Well I'm going to try and get some sleep. I've been really tiered lately. I'm writting in the "skinny girl diet" Cause I'm not ready for the ABC just yet XD

Ok so I joined a swim class that is suppose to meet every day at 10:30 so I woke at 7:30 today and mozied around until 8:30 then I saw how long it was going to take to get to the pool it said 2 hours on foot! So I freaked out got a ride and ended up an hour early well for some reason the class never got called and I waited tell 11 and then tried to get a ride and finally got one at 12:30 so ya I just wasted half my day and I'm tierd so I'm going to try to go to bed.

Day three

HEy guys it's Sunday so that means I get to remeasure all my body parts yay!!!! Oh, guess what ladies? I weighed myself this morning I am a whopping 33.6 LB! That is wayyy below my goal and is well on my way to my next goal, 130 by next Sunday. My sleep patterns are so destroyed cause of Paul. I talk to him every night :) We have a skype-mance and I hate it. It started physical just physical. I was happy with that, but slowly we started talking about each others personalities instead of each others bodies. Today we exchanged I love you. He said it first and I got scared. I'm terrified of dating him and I'm terrified of him leaving. Some times I can just sit there and stare at him. He is my rock.

He lives so far away exactly 12 hours away if I don't stop. I feel like all my emotions are in a bucket that people keep kicking. Being alone is so much easier, I didn't care about anyone else. Now I want to date him, but I don't, I want him here, but I don't think I could handle being with him everyday. I don't know my feelings anymore! I think I'm going to just disconnect myself from this relationship. Ya a wall will fit quite well between us.

I'm going to have to work out twice today cause I was feeling like Sh*t yesterday and I didn't do anything. Oh well >.< I'll tell you about it. Ok knew goals for next week. Weight 130, Mile 8 minutes.

Day 2

Last night was so great do you guys remember my long distance friend Paul? Well we skyped lat night from 10 to 7 and it was great. We just talked and looked at each other and looked at each other's bodies.  He told me that he was falling for me and this caught me off guard, really off guard, and I didn't know what to say I wanted to tell him I loved him, but yet I knew I was incapable of love and I didn't want to hurt him. I'm so emotionally unstable that I think dating me would only cause him troubles.

To move on there were two cats fighting outside my window, it kind of scared me. I checked my weight at 5 a.m. and I'm 134 LB!!! So happy that means I meet my goal as long as I don't screw this up. I'll post my work out and food states later. I just woke up around noon. God I really do care for him to think that he might want a relationship with me!?!? With me?!?! It's just mind bogoling.

I'm sorry guys I totally f***** up the ABC Challenge new day 1

I'm starting over again sorry guys
Ramen 380 calories
Protein shake 105
total 485
I will also be starting pushup challenge, Sit up challenge, squat challenge and pull up challenge. I have 33 days until school start and I want to be able to run atleast a 7 minute mile. So here is my run info
Tread run
Time 32 min
Calories 380 (this was my goal)
Incline 0
distance 2.46
Carbs 66.6
20 minutes at 5 miles an house and 12 minutes a 4 miles an hour
Fastest mile 12 minutes.
I know I have about a month to shave off 5 ENTIRE minutes but I'm going to make everyday count
Next is my push ups (yes I did do them on my knees)
14
18
14
14
14
Squats
13
16
10
10
20
I've compleated the first day of the navy work out!! Yes I feel so accomplised
I've done everything... now what? Clean my room? hm....

2nd day

Well today is day two!! Yay :) I shelled out 310 calories on a stupid snadwhich this morning so I'm thinking of have having three egg whites 50 calories for lunch and two pieces of toast for diner (95)

Modeling job

As you may of known I cut when I'm starving myself anyway it halps ALOT but I have a modeling interview which I need to be tiny for but I also can't have fresh cuts and I'm going to try to heal the ones I have now so I'm starting the ABC I'l neeed all the help I can get to get through this one cause my razor won't be backing me up.

Some stuff than inspired me

It's easier that way than you can put your body self through hell and no else has to suffer

You have nothing left to loose

Last day and me ranting about feminist stuff

 I had a pretty bad binge yesterday making me 137. Had a big fight with my friend and saw comfort in food. I was pretty relieved when the number appeared on the scale. I still feel pretty worthless and unloved. I'm really quite tired of being alone and strong.  I don't know maybe just maybe if I could find just one person I'd feel better. I know that sounds bad. It is bad really bad. I don't need a man to make me feel good about my self.  You know what I'm ok with myself I'm a whole person I don't need anyone else. You know what girls you are too. I'm doing fine by myself and I'm going to carry on. Not everything I do is for "love" I'm ok with being single and I'm going to delete my Meet me account. I'm just going to live my life. From this day on you will never read post on here how I just want to love cause I could really care less what anyone thinks. I am my own person and I'll succeed no matter what you say. I'll be on the top and if you work hard enough you might be able to earn a spot next to me and if you don't than it's your loss I've heard mediocre is quite popular now of days so you should have no problem in finding yourself an average girl, who goes head over heels for compliments. I'm going to go live my dreams and I want every girl to do the same. Do whatever you want to do even if it means being alone for a little while.

Day two

Well I'm officially 136.2! I'm going to the gym at 12 today to run my ass off so it should be easy to drop the last pound. Too bad my mom is making all my favorite foods, damn it smells so good in my room. I really want a boyfriend :(. I mean at this point I would date anyone I feel so alone right now. I'm going to meet someone I just know it. Tumblr doesn't help. Alright so my day is pretty busy today so I don't think I'll be tempted except by a friends B.day party. That is going to be hard. Good luck ladies I'll keep you guys posted!

hey guys! just a new post and some stats

I've been out of town and on the road for about a week and a half. It's been fun but I haven't weighed my self in a while any way I have a pool party on Monday to prepare for so I'm going to do a three day fast! I started at 10:00 pm yesterday so I've gone about 15 and 1/2 hours out of 72! Anyway anyone wants to join me I'm trying to get below 135!. Well just to say I lost my ring kind of fate right? Cause I sort of gained back the weight.
THIGHS: 22
UPPER ARM: 12
STOMACH: 32
BUTT: 38
BUST: 34
lets get started!
I can't figgure out if I want to sleep,stay on my computer, or exercise I also should brush my teeth. Ok so this is how it's going to work I'm going to.
Brush teeth
than half an hour of zumba (WARM UP)
30 Swiss ball lounges
5X5 squats heavy
Wall sits 5X1 minute
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjQHY2zKWeg&feature=relmfu My abb work out
1 hour of cheer work out
and an hour of flexibility
Clean room and try to find disc!
I just finnished everything up to the hour of flexibility and cheer disc cause I couldn't find
it
Hey guys I compleated my first day ding ding ding 24 hours crossed off my list

Family reunions

I need to start taking more pictures

I guess this trip was worse than what I thought it would be

HEy guys I'm back to my original weight of 140. Ya I know :(. Today hasn't been so bad. it is well atchuly great. It is my sis's grads party and I'll try to get some photos up maybe don't know if I want to do that yet.
It is pretty great I spent an hour cutting up a watermelon so it was perfect. The sun is shinning and the pool and dunktank are glistening. I think I might want to jump in. I;ve been eating normaly